I am so keen on entering the job market again… now that its been about two weeks since my BFN. I need to keep my mind occupied. The busier I am the less likely I will be thinking about my infertility .
DH still does not really like to discuss his feelings with me.. saying don’t worry what ever God wants will be…. UGGHH…..
Perhaps he is trying to protect me….. to be strong for me.
Been sending my CV out… waiting for call backs… that’s the most frustrating… the waiting.
In the mean while I will be starting my fifth Montessori assignment today…wish me luck. I can’t wait till its all over. I don’t know if I mentioned it before but all I want to do is complete what I committed to.
A part of me still hopes fr a miracle pregnancy. I know I should not question the will of God and I know that I should stop blaming myself for the BFN….. but its really difficult.
Thank you Sabihah and Emilion for your words of comfort and encouragement. I really appreciate it.
I should start looking into adoption now… right now I feel that my body and spirit may bot be brav enough for another IVF attempt… but then again time is a great healer.
I have finally completed another Montessori assignment and I think its necassary for submission. I feels as if I have lost interest in the course now… because I was planning to home school my own childor children. (sigh).
My blood test on the 18th showed another big fat negative. No pregnancy. No baby. Yet again.
Everyday it seems to get a bit easier… I try not to think about it… I try not to think about thinking about it. It hurts
I feel as if I am not a complete neurotic. Its 5 days since my fet, we transferred two 8 cell embies and I am so scared. Been taking gestone shots once a day and 6mg of progynova morning and night. I seem to be analysing every single symptom for eg… I have a full sensation in my tummy some side and back pain… am trying so hard to be positive. I test on the 18th. Am nort sure if these symptoms from the meds I am on or what..Sending out Positive vibes to the universe
Its a rainy, misty,cold evening….
I cannot wait for my dh to get here now…. its a week already…. I miss him.
My endometrium has grown to 8.5 mm and I have started with gestone injections last night. Ouch… a family friend of ours is a dr and he will be administering it forme every night till Monday night. I suppose I will have to give myself the shots from Tuesday since dh is so afraid of needles.
ET is scheduled for Monday morning. They will be defrosting all five embies (including 2 8 celled and three smaller ones.
I am nervous and excited at the same time.
One more day till I see my RE again and God willing my endometrium will be nice and thick…. then it will be all systems go.
I have been taking Rescue remedy whenever the anxiety gets to me and its saving my sanity.
I also got out my IVF companion Cd and its also helping to calm the nerves alot.
Hold thumbs for me.
It feels good to be around people who love you, especially when you are going through a trying time. Dh is 1000 kilometres away and I miss him so much.
As my endometrium is only 7mm thick, the re has increased my progynova to 4mg three times a day.
Seeing him again on Thursday, hopefully the endometrium would be thicker.
My ET will be scheduled for Monday, God Willing.
My aunt is taking me to visit Baitun Noor – a place for unwed mothers – it should be quite interesting